Meryl’s Marathon

While this site is, obviously, a parody of the drivel you’ll find on Capella University’s blogs, I certainly didn’t think that they would take my post about Capella University panties literally! I’m so honored! After all, I’ve been running in three marathons a week just so that I can promote non-line learning at Crapella University Sucks and have already mentioned that my panties made a great addition to my wardrobe (like I said before, they match my eyes)!

What a pleasant surprise to find out that others are blogging about one of Capella’s recent advertisements that appears to show a women wearing panties while she’s groping her crotch! Yes, that’s just plain GROSS but what else would you expect from Capella University a fully accredited online school (please bow and observe a moment of silence)? While we can’t reprint some of the language being used to describe this ad, I’d certainly encourage visitors to view what others are saying!

Just as funny is that someone else has also picked up this rather vulgar advertisement, I’m happy to provide a link that site too. While that blog wonders if this was a “subliminal” message, the ad (which is pictured on the left, in case you [or someone from Capella University] missed it) speaks for itself. I wonder how many newbies Capella thinks they’ll attract with their panties.

The only disappointing thing is that I didn’t blog about it first (although, I believe I was the first to mention Capella panties). Oh well, guess I’m too busy running marathons.

You know what I like about Capella University? They exploit everyone and anyone they can find to help ‘em sell more degrees! That’s right, they’ll take every opportunity they can find and turn it into a sales pitch. Take, for instance, the marathon I just ran in – marathons have nothing to do with Capella University (after all, everyone just sits on their butts while doing their work – Capella is an entirely online for-profit school that doesn’t have (or even need) a PE department. I’ve already sold my own soul to Capella so they exploit my participation in marathons (not only that, but it feeds my feeble ego too)! Then, Capella wanted me to mention that my husband had a fresh pair of Capella panties to change into during mile 22 (wasn’t he a sweety?)!

Of course, I have to mention all of the wonderful “volunteers” (unpaid sales squad) because by mentioning them here, they made be so excited that they’ll enroll at Capella too. Wouldn’t that be just swell?

Gosh, I was so excited when I packed my Capella University panties, along with my Hicksville running shorts (you know, the ones that match my eyes), for the Cleveland Marathon, that I wet my pants! I just can’t wait to run in another marathon that has absolutely NOTHING to do with Capella University: other than the fact that the university (if you can call it that) spends big bucks to try and con others to be subjected to their bigotry.

Of course, I also packed my laptop so that when I connect to WebCT (which doesn’t work anyway), I can pretend that I’m a real “learner” even though I’m really just a non-thinking bimbo trying to drum up more business for the incompetent independent contractors (like Diane Stottlemyer, who buys graduate degrees from real diploma mills) that serve as instructors at Capella University. I also try remember to pack other essential items, especially deodorant, because Capella University really does stink - a lot! In fact, it smells almost as bad as my Capella University shorts (the ones that match my eyes) after mile 26 3/4!

One of the things that I really enjoy is watching all of the middle-aged geezers keel over from heart attacks during the marathon because of their megalomaniacal narcissistic need to impress others for Capella University. Heck, even the funerals for these clowns are great fun because Capella University always drapes the coffins with the school banner (what a great selling tool)!

Of course, I love having all of my fans drop by the sales booth after the marathon in order to drink gallons of water with me – besides keeping me well-hydrated (are you impressed with the big words that Capella’s PR team puts in my mouth), it also makes me urinate. After all, I got to find some way to get Capella University out of my system!

Absolutely nothing, of course! Just the same, Capella University is now using them to promote their drivel. Capella’s use of marathons is similar to their use of blogs - they remind me of the “Marlboro Man” (gosh, wasn’t he a HUNK)! Make stupid people think that they too can be great - just like those in the commercials.

 As you can see from my beautiful photo, I don’t need Capella University to turn me into one of their poster children - I prefer to stay on the side of truth - Crapella University Sucks: Education. Stillborn.

Stay tuned for my next post - I think I’ll write about my running shorts and shoes

 Love,

 Meryl